Category Archives: growing up

Dec16

are there things I don’t like about Christmas?

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are there things I don’t like about Christmas?
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I go on the Jezebel site a lot.  I recently noticed they had an article on Things I Hate About Christmas.  It included things like gift cards (and I love them!!), mistletoe (how can you hate that?) and old-timey carolers (which I am fine with as long as no one makes ME dress up like that).

So I was thinking:  what would my list be?  I love so many things that I hear other people criticize.  I love shopping at Christmas time.  I love listening to the same Christmas music and watching the same Christmas specials.  I love coloured Christmas lights and Christmas trees and I love saying Merry Christmas.

This is what I came up with:

1. I really really don’t like that Paul McCartney song ‘Simply Having A Wonderful Christmas Time’.  I figure that is the background music to some really bloody, horrible gorey plot of revenge, madness and psychopathy.

2. Grass.  I am conflicted.  I hate driving in snow and I love the mild weather right now.  But I really hate the idea of a green Christmas.

3. Christmas cake.  This may come as a duh to most, but I spent years LOVING Christmas cake.  It was always one of my presents under the tree as well as a birthday present so I could start eating early.  But I grew out of it a few years back.  I still get them wrapped under the tree but I don’t eat them anymore – I give them to my Dad.

4. Tinsel.  We put tinsel on our tree when I was growing up and my mom was very particular about how many strands went on each branch (three).   My child version of me grew very frustrated.  So my grown-up version of me renounced tinsel.  Too much bother.

5. December 26.  I am not sure that this technically counts but I hate Boxing Day.  Why?  Christmas is over.  365 days till Christmas.  I’m always a little sad.  I have to stop myself from taking down the tree that morning, as I hate the reminders.  I always figured I would grow out of this someday.  I haven’t.

Merry Christmas.

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Dec14

4:30

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4:30
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4:30 in the morning is very quiet.  Also very dark.

My cat watches me from over there.  She thinks I have come down to feed her.  I couldn’t sleep.   My mind kept drifting from my Stones bio and I wandered downstairs by the light of my son’s nightlight.

I haven’t turned the tree lights on.  It stands by the back window, glittering with silver and gold and pink and blue and green balls.  The angel stands straight.

I’m going to be 47 tomorrow.

It is true what they say, how inside your head you are still a kid.  I may know how to pay bills online and I can drive and I can feed my kids and fill the fridge with nutritious (mostly) food.  But inside me, I am still scared a lot.  I am dreamy and wishful and awkward and emotional.  I struggle to figure people out and I struggle to figure myself out.

When I talk with my daughter, I don’t feel so much older than she is.  I may be more realistic (hate that word) which is part of growing up.  But I know her confusions and her embarrassments.  I love hearing the things that make her giggle.

You don’t giggle when you are almost 47 the way you giggle when you are 10.

My cat is gone.  It is cold at 5 in the morning in our house.

 

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